Category: Uncategorized

A few of my earliest memories was of me waiting for summer to come so my cousins would come over. Khang and TD would do random things and I would waddle along after them as if I were actually a part of the group. I used to really look up to those two, but now that I’m older with a mind of my own, I realize that they are both lazy potatoes, though I’m no different. One of my favorite things to do back then was bully TL, and it is a hobby of mine that I still continue today, though for different reasons. Back then, I made fun of TL because it was funny and then she cried and it became hilarious. Now it’s because Tl brings up some painful memories of my elementary life. You may not believe me now, but you will someday look back on how you acted in elementary and regret everything. TL and TQ act so much like my childish eight-year old self that it is not funny, just sad. The way TQ watches obnoxious Youtube videos or the way TL acts in a social setting is just too much to bear, simply because I used to act the exact same way. As for why I bully Khoi, that’s because he’s an narcissistic pretentious condescending asinine credulous naive is because we do not value the same principles. I’ll be the first to admit that I was an annoying brat when I was younger, but I really don’t think I was this bad. People say that being young is an excuse for being a bad person, but I think that only really applies to kids five and under. Everyone above that may not have a completely clear vision of morals and ethics, but they know when they’re doing something wrong. Who knows, though. I don’t actually know what Khoi’s age is, so he could be three for all I know. He certainly acts like it. Khoi does have one redeeming quality, and that would be his interest in technology. It’s a good thing to like something useful at a young age. I would know; I only really cared about Roblox and Minecraft when I was eight (I think that’s how old Khoi is). However, he’s really ostentatious about it, and it just ends up being a bad quality. As for Vien, she acts like an egirl-in-training. My other cousins will describe it as “sassy” and “cute”, but this is really what I think. I don’t really have anything against her, but as she sides with Khoi most of the time, she’s just collateral damage when I go on my bullying crusades. Last is Angel, who I have only met twice but will be included in this list because I need a higher word count. To be completely honest, I had no good reason to make fun of her, other than to inflate my ego. I was immature back then, and I guess a little girl who hardly spoke English was in easy target in my eyes. When I met her recently, she seemed a lot more quieter and reserved. She’s probably traumatized.

Now for the grand finale: Who is the most greatest cousin?

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There are 7.8 billion people on this planet, and I am the only smart one. This is scientifically proved because everyone I have ever met mistakenly believes that supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (I’m not typing that every time so I will refer to it as the s-word) is a proper word in the English language. It is definitely not.

To begin, take a look at the word “anyways”. Anyways is considered a word, but it’s classified as slang and is only used in colloquial text. The reason anyways is not looked at as a proper word is because anyway is an adverb, and adverbs can’t be plural. Even so, anyways is a word in the dictionary and you would not be looked at twice if you said it in a conversation. I mention this because it proves how vague the requirements for a word can be. Is it a word because it is acceptably used and in a the dictionary, or is it not a word because it contradicts English rules? Anyway, that brings me back to the s-word. Yes, the s-word is in the dictionary, but does that really make it an accepted and proper word? People who say think that the s-word being in the dictionary proves that the s-word is a word are mistaken. The s-word appears in Oxford dictionary, but it does not appear in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, so I could just as easily say that the s-word is not a word because it does not appear there.

In fact, if we go by the logic that “the dictionary is always right, so if the s-word is in there, it’s a word”, then you would have to acknowledge that the Merriam-Webster dictionary states that the s-word is a nonsense word that was simply made up by Helen Herman.

Compound words are words fused together to add a new meaning to the word, such as “bookstore” and “ballpark”. The s-word is an would be an example of one, if it actually made any sense. If the s-word were open compound (ice cream) or hyphenated (forty-nine), then it could have more than two words. However, since it is closed compound, it does not make sense for it to have so many words together, as no other closed compound word has more than three words combined.

Lastly, the word is simply not even combined correctly. Super is a prefix, so that part is correct. Cali is a root, so that part is also fine. However, every other part of the “word” is not an actual root of suffix. It’s just a random series of letters, designed to give the illusion of a sophisticated word with many roots.

Back in primary school (I said primary and not elementary because I am very smart), the teachers handed out these little chains that you wear around your neck. Of course, since I was a simple-minded kindergartner, I started chewing on it. What the chains were actually for was to put these little charms on it. Every quarter, the entire school met up in the gym and they would hand out awards for each class. There was a music award, gym award, homework award, and the best one, the principal’s award. There were two of each award handed out to every class, and it was always one boy and one girl who got them, in the name of equality. Actually, there was one award that wasn’t just limited to two, and that was the homework pass. Every person who finished all their homework assignments for the entire quarter was given the homework award. The homework award was probably the worst charm because everyone had one. I probably had at least twelve of them. I never received an award that wasn’t the homework award. Years passed, and every time they called the boy and girl to receive the music award and the gym award or any award, I was never called. While all the other kids flexed on me with all their different charms, I had a pitiful chain with just a bunch of homework charms. Eventually, I stopped caring and just threw my homework charm away after they gave it to me. On the last day of what I think was second or third grade, I was not present at school because I went to Virginia or New Jersey. I don’t really remember. When I got back home, the school had mailed a principal’s award to me. If you didn’t know, the principal’s award is the most prestigious charm out of all of them. It’s the one you bring out when you want to flex all the charms you have. I don’t think they gave me the charm because I was a good student, but it was just because I missed the last day of school celebrations. This theory was proved when Khang was also sent a principal’s award. The charm was useless to me anyway since I had already lost my chain. I never did get to flex that principal’s award.

My plan was to drop out of the spelling bee after I won, but everyone kept congratulating me and wishing me luck on the state bee, and by that point it was already too late to chicken out. In the mornings, I usually do schoolwork and socialize once I arrive for a while until the bell rings, but today I got dragged away by the English teacher to do the announcements (the announcements are just videos of the student council reporting some school news that the teachers show to the students). She wanted to announce to the entire school that I had won the spelling bee, which was pointless because

A. Everyone already knows that

and

B. The spelling be happened last week.

It was a huge waste of time, and I also did not want to be part of the announcements. If you didn’t know, the kids in the morning announcements are absolute laughingstocks at my school. Every day, we watch the student council do some cringe-worthy skit on the screen that the teachers thought would be hip with the kids. I know it’s wrong to laugh at other people, but I must admit that I started dying of laughter a few times from some of the weird stuff the teachers cooked up. To give you an idea of some of the lunacy that happens in the announcements, I’ll explain what happened last week. The teachers must’ve thought that the kids at this school have too much negative energy (they’re not wrong), so they decided to have one of the council members do breathing exercises on the morning announcements. For two awkward minutes, all I heard was a girl breathing in and out slowly, while quietly chanting, “I choose kindness.” I think the teachers thought that we would the breathing exercises as well, but most people just sat there and laughed while some kids mockingly breathed in and out really hard.

I always thought that the announcements were recorded in the main office, but it turns out that they were taped in the library. There was a small room with the council members, a green screen, and a computer. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the backgrounds of these announcements. It’s always some cringe-worthy photo of whatever the topic of the video is that day. Let’s say the announcement is mainly about Frosted Flakes. Then they’ll put some giant stock photo of Tony the Tiger behind on the green screen. Whoever thought the green screen was necessary needs to burn.

Anyhow, the English teacher made me stand next to these two girls who would be talking, and then I would say my lines. Oh wait, I didn’t have any lines. My job was to just stand there. I liked and didn’t like the fact that I didn’t have to say anything (the word for this is ambivalent). The first girl said something about the spelling bee, and then the other said something about a new record of 25 rounds gone. Then the second girl said that I won and would be going to the state. She mispronounced my last name horribly, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to stick around any longer than I had to. The teacher wasn’t pleased with the final result because I was looking at the floor and the walls and the ceiling and pretty much anywhere but the camera. She then asked if we wanted a retake. I said no, but everyone else said yes, so I went back to the green screen. After the second take, the teacher realized that I was not going to look at the camera, so she said we were done. It’s already bad enough that I’m going to be laughed at on the announcements, so I’m not going to make it worse by actually showing my face.

Luckily, my homeroom teacher is pretty laid-back, and half of the time he forgets to show the announcements.

When I went upstairs to go to science, I realized that I went to the wrong room. On the days that we’re doing a lab experiment, the teacher moves downstairs to a different science room because that’s where all the glassware is. So, I dashed downstairs to the alternate science room, and made it just before the bell rang. Of course, all the seats were taken, so I sat down at the last table with a bunch of weird people. We were doing an experiment to see what happens when salt water evaporates. I didn’t really care and started to zone out until the teacher said that the salt will start to explode and that piqued my interest. I usually like to do my work alone because most of the other kids can’t be bothered to figure out simple worksheets (most of the time they just look off of my paper). In other words, most partners are just dead weight. Unfortunately, the teacher makes us work in pairs because “scientists work together in the real world”. I was paired with the girl who claims she had ADHD (which I doubt), and she was an utter clown. What you’re supposed to do is filter out the salt-sand-water solution so only the saltwater is left. It’s simple enough, so I had the clown do it while I sat back and took a short nap. Of course, she found a way to screw it up. Some of the sand wouldn’t come out of the cup, so I told her to use put a tiny bit of water on it so it would come out and into the filter. For some reason, this clown thought I meant pour water into the filter, so she dumped an entire cup of water into the filter, rendering all our previous work worthless. I had to remake the solution and remeasure all the sand and salt. After I did all the number work, I let the clown pour everything again. It was a big mistake, because she messed everything up a again by making the exact same mistake as last time. Then when the teacher came over to see why we were taking so long, the clown had the audacity to blame everything on me because I didn’t tell her that she wasn’t supposed to do that, which is untrue, because I clearly remember starting to go nuts and start yelling after she dumped the water the first time.

On our next filtration attempt, I held the filter in place while the clown poured. As I was doing this, some kid shouted that I wasn’t wearing my goggles. It was stupid because I wasn’t even at the boiling part yet (thanks to the clown). The teacher is really strict about goggles though, so she told me to put them on. I couldn’t because I was holding the filter, and if I let go, all the sand might get mixed back in the water. So, the clown tried to shove goggles onto my face while I held the filter. After a bit of the clown sticking the goggles legs into my eyes, I had enough and smacked her hand away so I could put on the goggles myself. The filter dropped, but thankfully the sand didn’t fall. Once we finally filtered the water successfully, the teacher lit our fire and we boiled the salt water. The teacher said that once the salt starts popping, we had to move the fire away from the test tube with the tongs. Of course, the clown wanted to use the tongs, and I foolishly let her. After about thirty seconds of boiling, the clown got scared that the salt would scald her, so she moved her seat all the way back. I told her that she needed to be close when the salt started to blow since she had the tongs, but the clown didn’t listen. Then I told her to give me the tongs if she wasn’t up to the task, but she wouldn’t hand them over. It was lucky that the teacher was watching when our salt started to pop, because she took the tongs away from the clown and moved the fire herself. I took out my science notes and started answering the questions about the lab. As you can probably guess, the clown read off of my notes.

I had a substitute band teacher because the actual band teacher had what I think was either a stroke or a heart attack. It happened about two days ago when all the classes had to lock their doors because of a “medical emergency”. As usual, the teachers were trying to hush everything up as to not cause an uproar, but of course, news spread anyway. In my opinion, it couldn’t hurt to actually let the students know what was going on once in a while. Since I’m not part of any gossip groups, I was one of the last people to hear about this. Even now, I don’t know most of the details. I sort of forgot about things until today, because I had band class. I wondered that since the “medical emergency” happened in the middle of the day, the band teacher might have been teaching during the stroke/heart attack. If the incident happened during class, some kids might have seen it. Of course, this is all conjecture, since I don’t know what periods the band teacher is teaching. Evens so, if I could just talk to one of the kids who might have seen things go down, I could write a whole story about it. I suppose it would be rude for me to profit off of a person’s misfortune, but it’s not like I’m making fun of the guy or anything. Anyway, I was ready to go interview some people before school started when the bell rang. This is when I forgot about my mission and headed to class.

Our substitute teacher turned out to be the math teacher, and it was obvious from the moment I stepped into the classroom that she did not know a thing about music. She told us that we would be heading to her math class for study hall which is code for “I don’t know how to teach a band class so just come to my room and do your homework”. Just as we were about to leave, the intercom announced the times for some club photos, and coincidentally, the band photos were first. So, everyone put their belongings back down and headed to the gym.

I have some pretty bad experiences with school pictures, and the reason for that is because I’m short. Every single time we took a photo in elementary school, you would find me along with the other shorties kneeling down in the front row. This time, however, I was confident that I was now tall enough to not be sent to the front row. For the first time, I wouldn’t be at the bottom of the picture. I was seated in the third row, which isn’t at the top with the tall kids, but is still a respectable spot for the school photos.

“Hey you, move down one,” said the photographer.

Ouch. Now I was in the second row, which is pretty bad, but at least it wasn’t the front row.

The photographer looked around a bit, and then told me to move to the front row.

Why? I was taller than all the kids in the front row. I probably stuck out like a sore thumb. Why was I with the shorties?

After band photos was ski club photos, so I stayed behind while the rest of my class moved on go to the sub’s room. I guess I was the only person who remembered pictures were being taken, because for the longest time, I sat alone on the bleachers awkwardly while the photographer set up his equipment for the next shoot. Once an eternity passed, the ski club supervisor appeared, along with just one member. Since it appeared that everyone forgot about the photos, the supervisor sent the other club member to the office to announce on the intercom: “Ski club members, get your sorry butts down here.”

The photo shoots were over, and I didn’t know where to go. I sprinted over to the band room to grab my stuff, but I was lost after that. The sub said that everyone was in Room 112, but I didn’t know where that was. I ended up stalking this one classmate until I arrived at Room 112.

Next period was math, and nothing happened.

Art was after math, and I hate art. I like looking at art, but I don’t like making it. On top of that, our art teacher is practically insane. What usually happens is that the annoying kids start talking too loud, and then she starts going wild and yells at everyone. It may just sound like something that happens once in a while, but this happens about four time each class. One time, the art teacher was in a bad mood because some kid was throwing erasers at people, so when I asked her a simple question (“What Exquisite Corpses sheet are you talking about?”) she started going nuts on me for absolutely no reason.

Lunch is usually pretty good, aside from the fact that this kid keeps throwing food at me. After lunch is recess, or as the lunch monitors call it, “activity time”. I don’t see why all the adults feel the need to replace names, even though everything already has a perfectly good name. There was another sub for “activity time”, and she was pretty strict. Or, she tried to be. She tried to get everyone to shut up and play chess or something, but there’s only so much you can do when you’re an old lady in a room full of children. The entire class she sat at her desk, occasionally screeching with her scratchy voice, “Sit down!”

Science is my worst subject, but the teacher is so lenient that I could sleep through the tests and still past. It’s not like I don’t give effort. For most of the writing questions, I put a detailed and thoughtful answer. Sometimes, though, my answer is too long and my hand hurts and I just want to go home, so I write the bare minimum.

Question: How are both the paper clip system and the English measurement system for measuring mass similar?

What I Wrote: Neither are commonly used around the world.

 

Today, we were doing a lab, which meant I wouldn’t have to fill out some boring essay question. Of course, things weren’t that simple. You had to use a pipette to extract exact amounts of water from the beaker to the test tube. The point of the lab was not to teach us anything interesting but to ease us into using lab equipment. It was all easy to use, besides the test tube, because it didn’t have a little beak at the top, which meant it was harder to pour stuff out of it. I ended up spilling a lot of dyed water everywhere, but it was fine.

Recently, my grade had to take a spelling test to see if you qualify for a spelling bee. I did not want to be in the spelling bee, but it would be incredibly shameful for a genius of my caliber to not make the cut. After I made it to the top twenty kids in the grade, I was planning to drop out, just so I could waste a spot on the spelling bee roster. However, I made a mistake in my calculations. I knew that other kids had the same idea as me, but I never thought that it would result in my demise. When the staff called a few other kids and me up to the podium, they told us that we had to participate. At first I was confused, because I was told that joining was optional. I suppose so many people had dropped out of the spelling bee that they couldn’t afford to lose more people. Thus, I await my doom at second period this Friday, waiting to be humiliated for my frankly subpar spelling. I mean, I could easily win the spelling bee if I really tried, but I want to make it fair for everyone. So, I will only be using 4% of my Master Spelling Power.

After lunch, the staff sends us to this random room because they don’t know what to do with us. Most of the time, I end up playing a boring card game while almost everyone else hides in the back and plays on their phones. I lost in chess today (because I wasn’t trying). Afterwards was science. We have assigned seats, but since there was as sub, everyone sat where they pleased. The sub has a really think accent, and everyone kept asking her to repeat things because no one could understand her. We then had to watch a video about Galileo, who just like me, was an unappreciated genius of his time. For example, I think my sarcastic humor is on point, but some simpletons just aren’t picking up on it. I think when you can say something in a completely serious tone and people will still know you’re being sarcastic is when you’ve perfected the craft. If you say something stupid and people already know you aren’t stupid, they’ll be able to pick up on the sarcasm. Sadly, the people I make sarcastic remarks to seem to believe that I really am stupid, which is just preposterous.

Actually, I think I’ve become too much of a genius. Every month, you have to submit stories to the ELA teacher, and everytime my ELA teacher gives me back my writing, she says I am too sarcastic. Of course, my masterful writing is appreciated by none. Mind you, my ELA teacher is actually a science teacher, but she got forced to work as an ELA teacher. If anyone can criticize my writing, it should be me, because I am the most competent writer of all time.

Subjectively, the best web log on this site is me. Objectively, the best web log on this site is me. Is this any of the other bloggers’ fault? No, it’s not their fault they cannot compare to an absolute master web logger like me. However, even though they are clearly inferior to me, some people attempt to claim that they have the greatest web log on this site. This is absolute blasphemy, nonsense, folderol, and other big words I’ll search up on a thesaurus. Such asinine (another word I found on a thesaurus) claims should be completely disregarded. Unfortunately, some people take this rubbish seriously, which leads me to believe that I am not getting the respect I deserve. I’m famous for my masterful writing, yet no one cares. All of my classmates know who I am. If that doesn’t make you famous, I don’t know what does. Still, a famous person like me keeps getting the worst fate.

Just the other day, I tagged along with my grandmother to the store, mainly to buy snacks and a gift card for the Switch. Before you call me greedy, just know that a world-renowned web logger such as I deserves a lavish lifestyle such as this. When I got home and scratched the back of the card, the worst possible thing happened. I accidentally scratched off the code, which made the card absolutely worthless. To add insult to injury, I had used my own money to buy it. Absolutely preposterous. How can a first-rate web logger like me be allowed to fall into such a cruel fate as this. It’s all terrible. My life is terrible.

Which is great, because it would make a great story. I can see it now, Cool and Skillful Master Web Logger’s Woeful Tale of Tragedy. In fact, this is what I’m titling my next book.

Today we will be discussing the top ten chess pieces. Chess has been around for about twenty years, and it’s about time someone celebrated the pieces that make up the game.

Number Ten:

The Priest

The priest is probably the worst piece in the game because of its bad movement range and vulnerability. On top of being garbage, you also lose when he dies. The only redeemable quality he has is the funny cross on his head. For these reasons, I must place the priest at the bottom of this list.

 

Number Nine:

The Queen

 If the priest was not in this game, the queen would surely be at the bottom of this list. First of all, she can only move in eight directions! Compare that to the castle’s four, or the circle head’s ability to transform into other pieces. In conclusion, the queen is utter garbage and you should not use her.

 

Number Eight:

 

 

Number Seven:

The Horse

The horse is a mediocre piece. Not bad, not good. Just kidding, he’s TRASH. He moves in an L, which is already a bad sign. The horse takes forever to move into killing position. In fact, he’s even worse than the queen and and priest! He’s the worse piece in the game!

 

Number Six:

The Frowny Face

The frowny face can only move diagonally, which means he can’t kill half the pieces on the board. Also, because he is limited to diagonal movements, he can only move in four directions. Compare that to the castle who can move horizontally and vertically, which means he can move in four directions. The frowny face is clearly just an inferior version of the castle.

 

Number Five:

 

Number Four:

 

Number Three:

The Castle

It’s pretty good.

 

Number Two:

 

Number One:

The Circle Head

The circle head is the best piece. That is why there are eight of him. First of all, he can move in one direction. One direction! That’s my favorite band. Now compare that to the queen, who can only move in eight directions. Stupid queen. The circle head can also turn into other pieces. Clearly the best piece in the game.

I got out of bed, took a shower, and headed downstairs. Some people were already waiting, and we all headed out to somewhere. Just like the last location, there was a giant group of tour guides trying to get some gullible tourists to go on one of their tours. Unfortunately, we were the gullible tourists. After everyone piled into the two vans, we drove off to our destination. It was a church. Not a regular church. I run down church. It’s already bad enough that I have to go to church outside of vacation. I don’t see why I have to go to church during vacation. The church was built into the side of a cliff, so one side of the wall was just rock. It was all pretty boring, so I started teasing Khoi, or as the adults would call it, sexually harassing a poor young innocent boy for absolutely no good reason and also murdering his family and everyone he loves. I told him a story about Bigfoot, and that’s when I learned he gets scared easily. Imagine how he would act if he saw some dead bodies.

After the church was some random picture-taking spot on the side of a cliff, and after that was the catacombs. I wasn’t allowed to take any pictures, which was understandable but lame nonetheless. It was a pretty eerie walk with a bunch of corpses lining the walls, as if they were staring into your soul. After a while though, things got pretty dull. There’s only so much fun you can have staring at the deceased. Actually, I don’t think you’re supposed to have fun looking at dead babies. As we were getting back into the vans, Khoi tried to take TQ’s  spot in the back of the car, with the rest of the cool kids. I told Khoi that this was a fool-free zone, and he should clear out. After a lot of nagging, Khoi left and TQ went into her rightful seat.

Throughout the car ride, I said jokes at Khoi’s expense. I probably would’ve teased him more if I hadn’t run out of insults. In retrospect, I probably should not have done that, because it probably caused the next incident. However, the past is the past, and I can’t do anything about it know. As we were all exiting the vans at a town, Khoi said something. Then TL said something back. This is probably when Khoi snapped. I heard some screeching, and when I turned around, I saw Khoi throwing a hissy fit. I won’t write what he said here because he said some big boy words that are not okay for this family friendly website. He also kicked me, though it didn’t hurt in the slightest. Khoi’s father had to drag him away. And that’s where the first part ends, because I’m too lazy to continue writing.

When I tried to get on this website, they said they’d I’d better get the heck out of there because the website was not secure. Of course, I didn’t care and went in anyway, because I haven’t stored any valuable information in this site. The reason I’m writing is because my father wanted me to. However, there’s nothing to write about. Nothing notable happened. For Christmas, the only things worth mentioning were the video games. Everything else was candy and board games and gift cards I’ll never use. I didn’t get anything from my mother’s side of the family, though I wasn’t expecting any, because I’m pretty sure I’m not too popular down there. Nothing else happened.