Stuff – Liquid

Another Vacation Blog

So I am greedy and want another iTunes card. The price to pay is a blog about the vacation with 5000 words. I don’t know what kind of pleasure you get from reading an eleven-year-old’s blog, but if it gets me money, who cares? I doubt anyone will read this whole thing, since it’s about 4500 words longer than my usual posts. So just be warned, this post is REALLY long. Well, not THAT long, but still long.

I’m awoken in the night to pack for the flight. (That rhymes!) The previous day had been spent packing our clothes. The drive to the airport felt short. Along with our giant bag, we had three drawstring bags. Mine was filled with stuff such as collectible anime figures. (Just kidding.) I now have about a hundred words, so I should be well on my way. It was still early, so we grabbed some Chick-Fil-A. I did take a video while we were there, but they’re not on this computer. After that, we went on the plane. The flight was uneventful, so there was not much to write about there. After we landed, we had to go on a tediously long two hour ride. And what is my reward for staying in a car this long? An annoying little boy whose name is Khoi. It’s like Khoi is from another planet or something. He keeps a security camera that HE monitors. This kid is like, eight years old. Shouldn’t his parents be doing this? Khoi also likes to make things up. Apparently, I had been horrible to Khoi the last time we had come. The first thing he said to me was, “Today is revenge day,” and I cringed so hard. So what was Khoi’s brilliant revenge? He got all the little kids to put pillows inside a wrapped blanket and called it a “bomb”. And if you think, “Okay, that’s already too cringey,” there’s more. Khoi and the rest of the kids would run into the room I was sitting in and start screaming. He would start throwing the “bomb” in my face, and then run out of the room. And it’s not like I could ask my parents for help. I know what Khoi’s dad would say: “Oh just be nice to Khoi. He doesn’t get to play with the other kids often.” My dad would say: “Just let him play.” After the fourth time this happened, I was fed up. I marched into his room and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. Of course, his little friends started screaming and running around like animals. Even my younger brother was in on it. The traitor. I threatened Khoi that if he did this one more time, I would make this the worst ever week for him. I think he got it. I stomped out of the room. The rest of the night was smooth sailing.

The next morning was just as uneventful as the last. This time though, we went to the pool. As usual, Khoi pretended to be an airplane. He had brought his stupid Legos and made a boat. Then he rounded up all the younger kids. And if you’re thinking, “Will this whole post be about a dispute between Khoi and Nam?”, the answer is yes. My uncle (aka Khoi’s dad,) noticed all the older kids were bored, so he threw this Minnie Mouse toy into the water for us the get it. He probably stole it from Khoi’s little sister. On the third throw, I got it, because everyone else quit. I was going to give it back, but then I was like, “Nahhh,”, and put it in my pocket. Then Khoi’s uncle came over and asked me where the toy was. I told him I didn’t know where it was, while trying not to laugh. After a while, Khang kidnapped Khoi’s little sister. I then asked Khoi if he could swim. He said yes, but continued to walk out of the pool and jump to where Khang was instead of swimming there. And dad, if you’re reading this, YES, I can swim. I’m not a hypocrite. After a while, Khoi gave up and started crying in his father’s lap. No joke. His dad said I can’t talk to him. Last trip, that would’ve been fine, but not this time. Khoi wanted to fight, so that’s what he gets. And if you’re thinking, “Wow, Nam is sinking as low as beating up little kids,” then you’re absolutely right. I am sinking that low. Then the girl I didn’t know but was with us anyway found a frog. They had it trapped in a bottle cap by the time I came over. I asked one of the kids where they got the bottle cap. They said it was in the water. Gross. Afterwords, the girl tried to kill it because she “didn’t like animals”. What a wonderful person. When we were all leaving, I handed my uncle the Minnie Mouse. For that, I have been redeemed.

Today we are going to a farm. Lucky me. There was a pool in the back of the house, it was drizzling rain, and the adults were obsessed over this fruit from Vietnam. While the farmer and the adults geeked over it, I left to check what everyone else was doing. Then everyone was talking about a frog in the pool. It was a small frog, just floating in the water. They all wanted to get it out so it wouldn’t die in chlorine, but no one wanted to touch it. So I lied down on the floor to grab it. My shirt got all wet. At first I couldn’t reach it, but then Khang brushed it over with a stick. It picked it up and placed it on the floor. It hopped into the grass. Then we find several dead frogs. But then there’s a big frog that might be alive. Everyone expects me to save it, but there was no way I was touching that giant frog. Just because I save a single frog does not mean I’m some kind of Frog Jesus. Turns out the frog was dead anyway. On the ride home, I get a headache and fell like throwing up. So the lesson is: don’t touch frogs.

I wake up to find out we were going to a rental house on Marco Island. I think. It might’ve been Marcus Island or something. Two multi-hour drives in one trip is enough to make anyone crazy, so I played on my phone most of the time. The rental house was nice, and it had a pool in the back. All of us immediately went in. After a while, a friend named Ryan came over. He borrowed my spare swimming trunks (ugh) and went swimming too. Soon after, we all took a shower and started staring at our iPads. For me, gaming is like a drug. A few hours after being lost in my own world, the parents told us to go to sleep. The bed was full with my dad and younger brother, so Khang and I had to sleep on the couch. I grabbed the bedsheet before Khang could and was about to go to sleep when Khang stoke it. I looked around the house and noticed the basket of towels in the corner. Bad memories from the Arizona trip came flooding into my mind. I could either be cold, or give up all my dignity. I laid down on the couch for a few seconds, and grabbed the towel right away. Now I couldn’t even respect myself. But then, my dad came over and said we could sleep on the bed instead of him. The next hour was spent staring at the ceiling until I fell asleep.

I slid out of bed the next morning. Today was the day we were supposed to go on the boat. I’m not afraid of bost rides, but they do put me on edge. We pack all our stuff up (again), and hop in the car. The first boat rental didn’t have any boats left, so we went to this smaller rental place. This seemed to make Dad triggered. Then Ryan and Alex came over. We had to get two boats, and we split up. The sun burned the back of neck, and I had more bad memories from when my faced peeled off. I tried to turn my hat backwards and push it down, but it didn’t seem to help. After about half an hour on the boat, we stopped in the middle of nowhere. Why you may ask? So we could swim. In the middle of nowhere. The adults jumped out first. Dad had trouble finding the ladder and setting it up, so we went last. All the kids had to wear life jackets, which was crazy because I could touch the floor. The jacket pushed me up but wasn’t able to sustain my weight. To sum it up, imagine everlasting strain on your head and neck. Now, imagine swimming like that. Ryan tried to swim like this but eventually took off his jacket and just carried it around. Right as we were getting back on the boat, I wondered if there were any shells under me. I picked up the hardest thing I could find. Before I could even get a chance to look at what it was, it bit me or something, and then I dropped it. And now I have a cut on my finger. Later, the boat got caught in the shallow water. When Dad went to check it out, he came back with a cut on his foot. Apparently, a rock or something cut it. There was blood everywhere. I’m fine with blood since I see it all the time, but for some reason, blood on a boat makes me feel dizzy. I can’t really explain the feeling, and you wouldn’t understand anyway. Ryan’s mom patched it up with tissues, which was kind of pathetic. It seemed like the thing that would only be used as the last resort. After another long half hour, we arrived at the beach. There was another boat there, but it was beached, and it was fun watching the people try to push it back in the water. We stepped into the water, but the floor was covered with rocks and shells, so we moved on to the next beach. It was just as rocky as they other one, so they made us swim with sandals on. That was just as dumb as the life jacket idea. How were we supposed to swim like that? It turned out, we didn’t have to. The water was so shallow it never went beyond my waist. There were no waves either. When I go to the beach, I like going far out and hopping over the waves. This beach didn’t have waves. All the kids just wandered around for a while. Eventually, I got bored and started wading to the next beach, which was separated by some trees. Ryan’s older sister followed all the kids who went to the next beach. It was pretty obvious the adults had put her up to the task. Ryan’s older sister made it there first, and found a small ravine filled with water. Inside, there was a school of fish. I tried to catch one of course, but even in the small river I couldn’t. After a while, everyone left to do something else, but I kept trying to catch a fish. Finally, with the help of TL, I caught one. Or we caught one. I don’t know. I ran to the others with the fish held high in my hand like it was some gold medal. They told me to release it into the ocean, so I threw it as far as I could. Now that I think about it, I probably killed it. We caught a few more fish and went home. I thought it would be a direct trip, but someone said they were going to check a place out, “to see if anything was there”. This was crazy, since the map showed there was nothing there. The other boat went speeding ahead of us, and when we finally caught up, we ended up in shallow water again. Which was exactly what the map said. We got out and left. What a waste of our time. The ride was uneventful, although I now have a funny photo of Khang and Alex sleeping on each other’s shoulders. We drove home and FINALLY got to swim. In the pool of course. That night, we all played video games while the adults went to a bar or a casino or something. Then, Alex spotted a bug the size of five fingers. People took pictures and everything, and left. Everyone went to sleep, and I didn’t hear more about it after that.

Everyone was packing the next morning. We once again hopped in the car to drive back to my uncle’s house. Once we were there, I sat down on the bed and wondered what to do. Then Khoi came running in with his little kindergarten friends. They were armed with pillows. I stood up, and Khoi yelled, “We’re not afraid of you!”, as he proceeded to be afraid of me. Then ran back into their room. This repeated itself multiple times before they stopped. Khoi is so annoying. The last day of our trip was wasted by going to the “clubhouse”. There was nothing to do there. Dad worked out, and Khoi’s Kindergarteners were playing in this tiny room with toys. I played a poker game with TL. I think. I didn’t even know what we were doing. After that, we had a Connect 4 tournament. We got some snacks from the vending machine and left. We spent the rest of the night on our iPads. The flight home was boring. I settled back in and went to sleep. The next day, all the Thucs (except for one) came, along with that random girl that was at Khoi’s house. I don’t even know how she’s related to us. All she did was cry everyday. We didn’t do much on the night they came. We all just hung around, staring at our iPads. For the rest of the week, we sat on out butts. I wish something had happened, but nothing did. Then TD came to our house. She had come from LEGO Land or Disney World or something. She gave TQ a lollipop or something. It was kind of like a lollipop, except it was in the form of a stick, not a circle. I don’t know why I remember or even care about this small detail, but I did. The next day, TQ opened up, licked the lollipop, and put it in the fridge. I mean, seriously, who does that? I guess I remember because it really bugged me. Another thing that bugged me was TL’s constant watching of some anime called Fairytail. Don’t even know if I spelled that right. All I have to say about that show is… watch your profanity! And then there’s Angel. That’s the name of that girl I didn’t know. She’s like, five years old, but TD says she watches German, Korean, and English shows, even though she only speaks Vietnamese. She speaks a little English, but for the first few days she was there, I only heard her say, “What?!” and “Stop!”. One time I was throwing something away. I didn’t even look at Angel, and then she yells, “Whaaaaat?!”. It’s very annoying. Mom made us go to Columbus for a baptism. The ride was two hours long, and when we finally got there, I met my aunt. My first thought was that she was REALLY short. She was shorter than me, and I’m 4’11. We walked into their apartment, which had an upstairs. I remember that I used to think they lived in a hotel. We saw the baby whose name was Roman. He had all short hair except for the back, which gave him a natural pony tail. Most of the adults left to go eat sushi. That left me with my grandparents and Bien. I didn’t want to be bothered, so I spent most of the night playing on the iPad upstairs. The TV was on the whole time, even when I went back downstairs four hours later. It had some guy driving around Vietnam and eating the food. My aunt inflated a mattress and we went to sleep. The next day we drove to the church and watched the baptism. It was a lot shorter than the last one we went to, which was nice. Then we went to some Dim Sum place, although it wasn’t as good as the one in Ohio. But it was good nonetheless. We drove back to the apartment to gather our things. Then we piled back into the car and drove back home. It wasn’t until that night when we realized we forgot our toothbrushes. We had to use our spare, and we went to sleep. The next day, Mom made all the Thucs and all her kids (me) go to the zoo. Some Chinese Lantern Festival. I wonder why American people are all like,”Aye, Chinese culture is very unique. You better learn all about it.” I’m pretty sure everyone knows about Chinese culture now anyway. It’s not like Chinese people geek out about a hot dog, or have America Town. The zoo had a bunch of Chinese lanterns set up, to the point where more people were looking at pieces of paper, rather than the animals. There were huge lanterns, which meant more photo stops on the way. We walked past some more creepy lanterns, like the ones with literal white faces and red cheeks, which were just staring at you. Some of them moved too, which would not improve how many nightmares I get each month. We walked past dragons and swans. Eventually we landed in some show. It was weird; a lady was throwing stuff with her feet. And then some dancers with pole on their hands? I don’t even know, it was just weird, but I guess Chinese people wonder about our lifestyle. We went home, and it was so late that we had to go to sleep right away. I figured this was going to be the same thing every summer, and that’s when Dad signed us up for sports camp. I thought it would be an actual camp, but I guess not. It was just another indoor camp. We were all nervous on the first day of camp. Dad has signed up TQ and TL for the art program, while Bien and I were sent to the basketball program. All the kids there were mostly boys, no surprise. A lot of them were fighting each other on the floor. Not real fighting, but kind of like tease fighting. You wouldn’t understand. I look at my surroundings, and finally realize where I am. WE WERE IN A CHURCH! This wasn’t sports camp, it’s CATHOLIC sports camp! Cue the dramatic music! All of a sudden, the big TV in the middle of the screen started saying something like, “STAND UP!” There was a rush of kids getting up, and I was caught in it. Then this guy stepped on stage and started singing some song about Jesus. What was worse was that kids started dancing. Some kids started dabbing or flossing or smacking each other in the face. And I was just standing there rethinking my life. After the song, these two people started talking. One of them had a fence post around their neck for some reason, and then pretended to cry. Adults are so weird sometimes. After they left the stage, they made us watch “EweTube”, which starred some sheep talking about the bible. I don’t think anyone else got the joke about ewes and sheep. Most of them called it “EweyTube” anyway. Afterwards, some guy came up and made us do memory verses from the bible. At this point, I was wondering when the “sports” in sports camp would come. Then we watched another fake show about sports or something. Don Donnen or Chip something. Then we went to devotion to learn all about Jesus and God and other things. The guy made this paper demonstration of god and sin and people or something. And FINALLY we went outside. There were these two blonde kids saying stuff about sauce and “crossing people up”. We had to do lame old layups for the first half. The coaches made us to split into three lines for 3 on 2 offense. Then this kid chugged the whole Gatorade jug. The coaches split us up into teams. This one guy on our team said our name should be “Jesus Lovers”. For some reason, everyone else seemed to like that name. Well, we lost the game. We did some more basketball drills until we went back in. Dad picked us up and we left. I remember TD got a job and she was gone. We played video games until we had to go to sleep. The next day we drove back to the camp. The inflated green balloon guy started waving around mockingly. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about the inflated balloon guys in front of car dealerships.I take a step back inside the church. And sure enough, the guy started singing again. Something about being alive. If any internet dwellers heard this song, it would become a meme in twenty seconds. Then those two people came up again. This time the one with the fence around their neck was wearing some baseball gear. Then she starting throw beach balls and baseballs into the crowd, which I’m pretty sure you can get sued for. Everyone else seem to enjoy it though. Then the sheep came back on. It made me cringe so hard. The sheep was playing Pokémon or something. Disciplémon, I think. Some game about collecting disciples. Then there was something about a goose and Fish-Fillet sandwiches from McDonalds. Then the sports story about baseball and more memory verses. We had to go the devotion again. The guy started talking about Jesus and how to get back in a relationship with him and Adam and Eve and a bunch of other stuff. We went out to play basketball. All the kids were still being annoying and immature. This one girl would just sit the whole basketball game. I know I’m the jerk for criticizing everything and anyone I see, but somethings cannot be left unsaid. Well, they can, but I just enjoy saying them. We had a basketball game, which we lost. The Jesus Lovers had fallen again. As we walked back inside, the green balloon guy smacked me in the face. I’m pretty sure I can sue them for that, too. Dad picked us up, and we went home. When we go back to camp the next day, the green guy has been taken away. I guess they don’t want any lawsuits. I walk back inside the church… I mean SPORTS CAMP. (cough cough.) Then THE SAME GUY sang the SAME SONG with the same CORNY DANCE MOVES. The more I think about it, the more pity I feel for this dude, having to sing the same stupid song over and over. And then the sheep again. This time, the video was filled with McDonalds jokes, fish-fillet sandwiches, and Jesus. And then those two people again. Now it was something about eating tacos or something. And then a video of someone eating a taco? At this point, you might wonder exactly what we’ve evolved into. Psychopaths? Probably. Then more sports videos and memory verses. We went to devotion again, but this time, they split the group up. They told the 5th graders to go to one room, and the 6th and 7th graders to the other. I didn’t know if I was still a 5th grader or not, so I went with 6th and 7th. It was awkward, because all the kids there were taller than me, and pretty much already had mustaches. The new devotion room small. There were two boxes on a table. The teacher did some demonstration with the boxes. Something about sin which I forgot. And then something about bricks. I don’t even know. After several more minutes of staring at boxes, we went outside. We did some more drills until we had another game. This time, the coaches were too lazy to remember the teams, so we had new teams. My new team decided to be called “The Nine Disciples”, which isn’t much better than “Jesus Lovers”. We lost our game AGAIN. If you’re counting, that’s THREE games in a row we lost. We walk back inside. I play on my phone because I have nothing else to do. As usual, Dad took his time picking us up. The car ride was the same as before. The fourth time I went to the camp, I felt like I’d seen everything. I’d seen taco-eating weirdos, Catholic sheep, and a green balloon guy. I was STILL unprepared for what I saw in camp though. There was still that singing guy who I have been told sings on the radio. I highly doubt that. And then the Catholic sheep again. Even he seemed to be tired and miserable today. Then those two people came on stage again. This time, one of them was wearing a magician’s outfit. She told us she was an illusionist. She tried to make things disappear by throwing them at the audience. I wonder if they’re counting how many lawsuits they’ll get, because I’m going to sue them for a million dollars. I might even be able to make a living off of suing the camp. We had to do more memory verses, which really bothered me. We went to devotion for the fourth time. There were two chairs with string tied to them. The teacher did a demonstration with the string. Something about moving with Jesus or God. Then she gave us Play Dough. We went outside to the basketball court. I noticed the green balloon guy was moved to the corner of the parking lot. They probably didn’t want anymore fatal child attacks. Smart choice. There was a slight breeze, but it still felt hot for some reason. He had to do more drills and relay races. We had another game, WHICH WE LOST AGAIN. I make a silent promise to win the next game. We enter the sports camp the next day. I wonder if Dad knew he was signing up for a Catholic sports camp. And if he did, why didn’t he tell us? The guy sang his little song again, and then came the sheep video, and then came those two people. This time there was a box with a bunch of “clones” coming out. None of them looked like the original person, which was quite disturbing. And then we had to do more memory verses. When we went to devotion, I saw a pickle laying on a slab of wood. There were two wires sticking out of the ends, and I was afraid I knew what was going to happen next. She made us sit down. There was talk of Jesus and God or something. I wasn’t paying much attention. I was just staring at the pickle. And then she shoved a plug that was connected to the pickle into the outlet behind her. For the first second nothing happened, but then the pickle started glowing , and smoke started coming out of the ends like… you know what I mean. The lady stood right over the pickle, the smoke slowly flowing up into her face. The immature kids, which was most of the group, started screaming and yelling and running around the room. The woman just continues talking, as if she didn’t know the smoke had spread through half the room by now. Right as I thought I was going to suffocate in the smoke, the woman regained her senses, as if the smoke hadn’t been there seconds before, she quickly unplugged the pickle, and smoke stopped coming out. At first I thought we were safe, but then the pickle started smelling bad, like the pickle had a disease, died, and rotted in an alley with a pack of rats. Once again, the kids started rolling around on the floor, covering their noses. There was a small group of kids huddled around the air vent, trying breathe in fresh air. The kids by the window opened it all the way up and stuck their heads out. I don’t know if you’ve smelled electrocuted pickles before, but if you haven’t, then consider yourself lucky. The teacher tried to calm everyone down, but the smell was unbearable. I have to admit, I was starting to go a little crazy myself. All the kids were desperate to get fresh air, and soon there was a rush of kids trying to get to the vent or window. The kids who had kept their minds straight huddled in a corner, covering their noses with their shirts. Several minutes passed until the horrible stench flew out the window. We took a clean breath, and everyone continued like nothing had happened. I inspected the crispy pickle. It was black on the ends, and was now an unsightly shade of yellow. We had our last basketball game outside, I score a three and a layup. By then, I’m benched, and I hope the rest of my team can win this. And they don’t. We had lost EVERY SINGLE GAME. I was pretty triggered. The next day, Vinh came over for his birthday. There was a whole lot of cake, and everyone had a good time. Sunday was the last day my cousins were here. We went to a restaurant, and we departed in the front of the parking lot. And that’s it. Over 5000 words. It took me two weeks, and I’m finally done. So, goodbye.

April 26, 2018

I’m back. It has been a while, and I read some of my posts again. They were really stupid. I should feel ashamed, but I don’t. Maybe that’s part of going through puberty. You don’t regret anything you do anymore.

Speaking of puberty and growing up, I’m eleven now. Funny how time goes by quickly.

Today, Khang slept through my wake up call, and caused me to be nearly late. When I got to my locker, a red-headed girl was there and said, “You’re LATE.” What a jerk.

I got to class and the teacher handed out eraser brains. I mock a kid named Andrew. He is very egotistical, and easy to make fun of. He would be very pale if his face was not so red. Today I decide to sing and mock him.

“Andrew is all alone.

Got no friends to call his own.

So skinny that he got no bones.”

I fell a little bad about that now.

I spend the rest of my time throwing throwing my brain and catching it.

Then Nicole, the insecure girl, starts talking very loud and obnoxiously. Nicole used to wear cat ears to school because she is very insecure. She always draws anime and tapes it on her locker. One time I saw her get busted by some teachers. The made her open up her locker, and took some pictures because they were “offensive”.

We took our math test, and I’m pretty sure I did well. If I try to tell you what questions were asked, the State of Ohio will probably bust in and arrest me.

I should not of wrote that. I sound like a criminal.

In school, I’m pretty popular.

“But Nam,” you are saying. “You don’t have any friends. How are you popular?”

Well, it does not matter how many friends you have, but if people like you. Everybody is cool with me. Except girls. They hate me. You can never understand the stuff girls do. So I ask Nicole why.

She says that I am “shortish” and “weird”.

You cannot understand what a girl says, either.

Then my teacher made me read this incredibly dull book. I won’t name the name of the book, because that would be offensive.

Then we went to recess. Wait no, the teachers will arrest me if I say that. They call it “activity time.”

I run-wait no, I will be arrested for saying that too. I walked down the hall to the gym. My school cannot afford bad publicity.

In the gym, I meet Kevin, a fellow Asian. Kevin always wears the shirts and pants that the school sells, even though he hates school. Kevin says he thinks he looks like and average dude. I say he looks like a Muppet.

We go to the upper gym to play basketball. Not much to say about that.

Then we go to lunch. Now there is a popular table. I sit at the popular table. I sit on one side. The popular people sit on the other. Why don’t I sit with them? Because they are unbelievably stupid and annoying. Today, their topic was, “My crap is worth more than our life!” See what I mean?

I buy a basic lunch: bacon cheese burger, chocolate milk, and what I hope is processed fruit. If it is not, I will not be happy. I would hire a lawyer and sue the school.

After lunch, I go back to homeroom. We have to read that horrid book again. Halfway through, I feel something on my neck. The last time this happened, I flicked it off and the bee stung me. Me, not learning anything, flicked it off my neck. It landed on my desk, and I learned it was an ant. I wonder how many other ants were on me. I flick the ant off the table, and continued reading.

The period ended, and I went to science class. Our teacher made us get out our bones that we dissected from our owl pellets yesterday. We arranged them into skeletons, and left.

I think my math teacher is a feminist. She is always talking about girls taking less time to use the bathroom, boys getting fatter as the years pass, and boys always wanting to show off. We go to South Dakota’s practice site and do some math.

Next is art class. There I find Kevin and Luca. Luca is my neighbor. He thinks he look exactly like a kid name George. This is a lie. I would show you a picture of them if I could. George has blond hair; Luca has brown hair. George is taller than Luca.

For some unknown reason, the art teacher wants us to spend two weeks on drawing a cake. Women are weird.

Then comes gym class. We had to play a game called Spud. Search it up if you don’t know what that is. I’m not explaining. It involves throwing balls, yelling numbers, and running around like idiots. I wonder how this game was made.

We go home after gym, and now I’m here. I’m going to try to write daily now, but no promises.

Goodbye,

Nam

My Life Highlights in One Blog

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while, but I never had the time. So here it is, my whole school life.

Kindergarten 2012-2013: Back then, there was this kid that went a little crazy sometimes. Once, he threw his shoe at me. It didn’t hurt, but I decided to pretend to stumble backwards. I never saw the kid again. There was also a kid named Morgan. Every Tuesday, I would see him leave the classroom with some adult. I used to think he was gifted, but I later learned he was just going to speech. Last, there was a kid named Johnny. One time when we had story time, John went to the bathroom. As the teacher starts telling the story, we hear someone from the bathroom sing the ABCs. Eventually, the teacher started knocking on the door and told him to be quiet. The teacher then continued reading, but then we start hearing someone from the bathroom going, “H I J K L M N O P…”.

First Grade 2013-2014: On the first day of school, the teacher begins talking to us. Then a kid asks why her foot is bleeding. She looks down and sees it on her foot. She explains that it is jelly. Then everyone starts laughing like it’s the most funny thing since Peanuts. I felt like I was on a comedy show. I later heard a rumor that the teacher ate the jelly at snack time. When I asked her about it, she said all those outrageous claims are untrue.

Second Grade 2014-2015: Nothing interesting whatsoever.

Third Grade 2015-2016: I had cut out a piece of paper with a stick figure drawn on it. I called him Jeff. Soon, we had a Jeff clan. We also had Jeff haters. Someone tried to rip him up. When it was my birthday, nobody said anything to me. About a week later, someone else had their birthday and everyone sang to him. I then asked the teacher why no one sang to me, and she said it was I didn’t bring food for the class. The teacher once showed us a video called Kitty High Five, and at one point, the video yelled, “High Five the wall!” Everyone smacked the wall as hard as they could. A teacher later came in and said it sounded like the walls were falling down. Every time we had state tests on our school iPads, the teacher would make us split up our desks so we couldn’t cheat. Whenever we did this, an annoying kid would yell “Avengers disassemble!” When it was time to connect again, the same kid would yell “Avengers assemble!”

Fourth Grade 2016-2017: We had this pizza-taco war thing. For more details, see A Tale of Two Groups, a blog I wrote about a year ago. On the first day of school, I was tired, so I leaned backwards onto a table. Unfortunately, I fell onto a drawer instead. One time I asked a question, and for the rest of the year, people called me Captain Obvious.

Fifth Grade 2017-2018: For Christmas, the teachers told us that we could decorate our lockers on Tuesday. Her exact words were, “You don’t have to, but I’ll be pretty sad if you don’t.” So I forgot about until Tuesday morning. I panicked, and grabbed anything Christmas related in the house. When we started decorating, I had a snowman on my locker. His face was scary. It wasn’t supposed to be, but it was just creepy. So I stuck a mask over him. Since then, strange things have happened. First, the locker next to me had all it’s decorations fall down. So he stuck it back on. When we came back, it fell off again. Next, people have been randomly disappearing at lunch or recess. They come back later and act like everything is normal. Once when I came to school, half the lights were dead. The snowman was also on the floor. So I stuff him in my locker so he can’t escape. I put his arms up, but when I return, his arms are down. When I bury him under my books, he is somehow on top when I come back. His mask keeps peeling off too, no matter how much tape I use. I look at my locker. The tape I used on him is still on. How could the snowman fall off, but not the tape? In science class, three fully charged Chromebooks suddenly died. My chair keeps disappearing, so I must get a new one. All these things happen in 217 and 215, the closest rooms to my locker. It never happens in 219, a classroom far from my locker.

The Wedding

People say America is a free country, but that can be a big lie sometimes. Kids cannot vote. Kids cannot use certain things without adult supervision. Everyone says America is free, yet my dad has once forced me again to write. About a wedding. Somewhere. I’ll spare you the details. Just so you get the idea of where the wedding took place, it was somewhere on earth. So we all piled into the car. Dad, Mom, Khang, Bien, me, and our most prized possession, iPads. It was the start of a grand adventure. Kind of. After ten minutes, the excitement died off. It was a six hour drive. I think we should go on the plane, but it seems like Mom didn’t care to listen to my opinion. One hour later, nothing happened. Then, something happened. I saw a bird. Landmarks will be pointed out soon. Greentown: The pole is green, the fence is green, and the grass is green, the trees are green, and that bridge is green. Bluetown: The sky is blue, the water is translucent, and the fence is blue. Hyperspace: This tunnel that has these weird lamps. Khang: A fascinating creature, usually eats with his hands. When we got there, we played video games. Just so you know, I’m going to use the term “played video games” a lot, so watch out. Then Vinh, who is my uncle somehow came. I don’t know how he’s my uncle. He’s even younger than me. Later, my cousins came. You know their names. Thucdan, Thuclam, and Thucquien. Then Jayden and Trystan came. So many people came, and the event wasn’t even today. When we had to go to sleep, Dad, Khang, Bien, and me went to the basement. Khang and Bien shared a sleeping bag on the floor. Dad put a sleeping bag on the bed and went to sleep. I put my sleeping bag on the bed. I stared at the treadmill by the bed. I hated treadmills. They always made you fall over. The safety key barely helped. You still fall if the key was pulled off. Then I fell asleep. Next morning, Thucdan gave us news that the wedding would take place in a garden. We played some games after breakfast, which was a doughnut and some milk. Always drink your milk kids. It’s important. Then my mom told me to come upstairs. She made me change into my wedding clothes, which was hot and uncomfortable. My wedding clothes was black pants, a blue buttoned shirt, and a black coat. When it was time to leave, Mom slathered gel all over my hair. Then I got into Vinh’s car and we left. We traded riddles, but that got boring. Then we talked about random stuff. After that, we stopped at McDonalds. I got sprite and ice cream. Vinh got a sprite and fries. Yum. The ride lasted about two hours. The we got there. The sprite wasn’t doing good for me, and I had to urinate really badly. So did Vinh. So we rushed over the bathroom. Then we had to walk in the blazing sun in the garden. There were a bunch of pinwheels, and a sign next to it said something about pinwheel day or something. We got the the wedding area. It was a big house and big semi-tent. When we got in, we were greeted by a friendly “ DO NOT RUN OR TOUCH ANYTHING.” After an hour of just wandering about the house, we went outside and played Connect 4. I layed waste to the other players, and I lost only once. Then the wedding started. The priest gave a long speech. two minutes ago they weren’t husband and wife. Now they are. That night when we got home, me and Vinh brushed our teeth. He finished thirty seconds before me, and when I come down to see him, he has somehow already injured himself. He was sitting at the wall. Khang had turned the treadmill on at twelve miles per hour, and Vinh thought he was the Flash and ran on it. He fell over of course. But held on the bars, which left being dragged on his knees. The were two major burns on both of his knees. Bandages were put on him, and that was that. The next day, we drove home, and when I saw our house, it felt like that scene at the end of The Hobbit: The Five Armies when Bilbo comes home after that big journey. In a way, we had an adventure of our own.

A Tale of Two Groups Part 3

As always, names will be changed. I walked to the back of the school to get in line.Of course, the team thing was still going on. Captain Pizza was recruiting members by drawing pizzas on Post-It Notes and giving them out. Commander Taco was taking it a step further too. She had brought in a plate with paper tacos on them. She also had a maraca on it. She too, was handing out Post-It Notes. It would be tough, but I could live with this. Also, I forgot to say that I got a promotion in the Pizza People club. I’m not crazy for pizza, but it’s not half bad. Now what I really hate are Doritos. They taste like vegetables. No, I’m not going to share my first experience with Doritos. Better to think about the future than the past, right? Back to the story, I got a little sidetracked. In class, the teacher talked to us. “I know some of you think this ‘team’ thing is silly.” You can say that again. “But I don’t want you to go to someone and call it stupid or dumb. People are having fun with this. Now there is such thing as taking it too far.” I looked at Commander Taco and her plate with the maraca and paper tacos on it. The teacher continued. “So please, don’t take this too far. This ‘team’ thing is only at recess and lunchtime, okay? I don’t don’t want to take away your fun.” So that’s how second period ended. At lunch, Commander Taco was feeling down because sh lost one of her paper tacos. Then at recess, I played funnel ball. Its like basketball, but there’s no backboard. The hoop is kind of like a bowl with four holes in it, so the ball can get out. Penguin Man on out team was a ball hog, so it wasn’t much fun. When social studies came, I was stressed out because the “team” thing was still going on. Reading was filled with ” What team are you on?” and “Join Team Pizza!” and “Join Team Taco!” It didn’t help that when I was leaving social studies, I found a pizza badge stuck to my shoe. Plus, someone had secretly drawn a pizza on the chalkboard. I was still supporting Team Pizza, but I needed a break from this. Home. That’s where I can rest. Home was a whole new world. School was a different world. School was where the whole school asked “Do you like pizza or tacos?” Home was a quieter world. No “team” thing going on. So when I got home, I played basketball. Polar Tolar came out to play against me. That’s when he started talking about the “war”. Then I found a pizza badge stuck to my shoe. School’s world was spilling into mine.

A Tale of Two Groups Part 2

Remember, I changed the names of everyone in this story. So as I was walking around the school to get in line, I noticed an orange Post-It Note on the floor. It was Captain Pizza’s badge. I considered my options. I could not give it to him, and I could forget this. I could give it to him if he promised to end the war. But he was a friend, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “I think you dropped this,” I said as I walked up to him. He thanked me and celebrated. The pizzas were growing stronger, and so were the tacos. Even the teachers were in on this nonsense. Our teacher was a taco, the teacher across from our classroom was a taco, and so on. I really wanted this to stop, but I couldn’t help myself. I ended up making an Asian Club, but that went nowhere. The Pizza People had many members leaving to become neutral,and some left for the Talking Tacos. It was outdoor recess, and I think mother nature was mad at us for making such nonsense, because it was really windy. Not normal windy day. Super windy. Someone almost had to go to the clinic because the wind pushed them into a pole. A few kids were hiding behind a building. I don’t know why they let it be outdoor recess, because it was like a hurricane out there. Soon I found a good hiding spot and sat there until recess was over. The war didn’t go on for the rest of school, but I know it will come up again soon. To be continued… also, this is all true.

A Tale of Two Groups (and possibly a third or fourth group)

War. That’s what they said. It was the worst of times. A weekday. Recess time. It was indoor recess. I was playing Connect 4 as I always do. I think I’m addicted to Connect 4. Before I tell this story, I’m going to change the names of everyone because why not? So Captain Pizza came and said “You are now a pizza.” Then he stuck a Post-It Note on me. It had an odd looking pizza picture on it. Then Captain Pizza added “You are the Connect 4 Pizza.” Now this may seem small. But that didn’t mean nothing bad would happen. Then Bob asked Rob ” Do you like pizza or tacos?” Rob answered pizza, and he was in the club. Captain Pizza was hard at work, scribbling pizzas on Post-It Notes like he had just eaten a million pounds of sugar. Then I noticed that the club was just hating on tacos. Then Commander Taco, who was on the other side of the room, was saying stuff like ” Captain Pizza copied me,” and “I just made this club for fun.” Now we’re in the “confused” zone. This wasn’t right. That’s where it happened. The Pizza People declared war against the Talking Tacos. But after more classes, the drama was just swept under the blanket. Most people forgot about it. I forgot about it. Until the next day… Now I have to go to bed so bye. Just so you know, this is all true.

The Best Birthday Ever

You probably read the title and thought I was being an optimist. You might think I’m going to have a good birthday. Well let me tell you, the title is sarcasm. I won’t be having a big party at a laser tag place like Khang did. I won’t have relatives coming to celebrate. If you ask me where I went for my birthday last year, I would say “Nowhere.” If you ask me what I got, I would say “One Cupcake.” So when my birthday rolls around, I don’t get excited about the presents like Christmas. Now that I think of it, we never got up our Christmas Tree this year. We sold it. Then we had Christmas in Arizona. Christmas in hot, sunny, dry weather. I don’t think we celebrate any holidays now. Let’s just change the subject. Tomorrow, I’ll be 10. My age has finally gone to double-digits. In third grade, on my birthday, the only thing I got from the school was a free snack coupon (which of course was used for an ice cream sandwich). They didn’t even sing me happy birthday. Neither did my parents. About a week later, someone else had a birthday. I don’t know if it was a him or a her, but I think it was a her. They sang her happy birthday. When I asked the teacher why she didn’t do the same for me, she told me it was because I didn’t bring in a treat for anyone. So pretty much have to pay people fatty snacks for them to do anything for me. Life is rigged. It’s like a board game. You roll the dice. You get good or bad. The dice is probably rigged too. When you check what number you got, you see a 1. Boom. Your life is ruined. Just like that. Or it can take a while, getting all the wrong numbers, until you hit the space you don’t want. As I’m writing this, a commercial on TV was singing about how good life is. How ironic.

Random Memories

Once again, I have been forced to write. I don’t have anything better to do anyways, I guess. I already watched my Gravity Falls recordings, and the show is over too. I don’t have a topic to write about, so I should just write about random points in my life. I do remember this one time in third grade when we had to do a report on a bug. I chose a moth. I have no idea why. I think I got cursed because of that, because now I’m finding moth balls on all my clothes. Almost everyone else chose the dung beetle. I thought everyone was past their phase of thinking poop was funny. Then there was that time when I got yelled at fake guards. In my school, when you get to fourth grade, you can sign up to be a guard. You pretty much get to yell at people when they’re bad. So when I was in second grade, they had this thing called the Buddy Bench. You just sit on it, and kids can ask you to play with them. No one sits on it. So one day, I sat on it to see how other kids would react. That was the same day the fourth graders were going on the City Hall field trip. That means no guards. So then the third graders, who called themselves “Guards-In-Training” yelled at me for no reason. Isn’t the Buddy Bench made for sitting? My brother Khang says I can be annoying, and that may be true. I kind of annoyed them and made them go away. They never got in trouble. Then when I got to third grade, the teacher said some of us were calling ourselves “Guards-In-Training” and yelled at the whole third grade. This school can really be unfair. One day on my first year at school, there was this kid. He got into a fit for something, and got really angry. He took off his first shoe and threw it somewhere. He took off his other shoe and threw it at me. I was small, so anything that hit me hurt a lot. Even a basketball. So getting hit by that shoe was like getting hit really hard in the chest with a poker stick. Then a few months after that incident, there was a kid that went to the bathroom. While he was in there, the teacher was reading a book. After the first page, we just hear the kid from the bathroom singing. Like, at first I was hearing the teacher reading “The Little Train That Could”. Then I heard “A-B-C-D-E-F-G!”. Everyone was laughing while the teacher tried to calm everyone down. But the kid in the bathroom didn’t stop. “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P!”. So after you read some of my memories from school, I guess you can say my school is weird, unfair, and messed up.