A few months ago I wrote about why Marvel movies suck and at the time nobody seemed to agree since they were busy pissing themselves over WandaVision or whatever was coming out at the time. Now, and though I won’t pretend the opinion is widespread, there are more and more people online sharing the exact same sentiment as me, listing the same reasons why. I won’t claim to be a prophet, but I definitely am. Like Galileo Galilei, my thoughts eventually will become fact, because I’m never wrong.
When I watched the new Dr. Strange movie I thought it was mediocre at best, yet everyone else seemed to like it. I haven’t watched the billion others shows and movies so it was all sort of confusing. I don’t think it’s my fault either to be uninformed. Content should stand on its own, regardless if the viewer has seen the related spinoffs. It could be understandable if the content is something more complex, like Harry Potter. Because I doubt anyone is just going to watch one random Harry Potter movie; if you’re going to watch one, you’re likely already planning on watching them all. But Marvel movies are clearly intended to be more casual, fun action movies. I don’t see why I have to understand this convoluted plotline spanning over dozens of films just to understand what in God’s name is going on. Actually, I do see why. Marvel wants money.
My main gripe with the Multiverse movie is that it’s too afraid to do anything new. When I first saw the trailers I thought the concept was pretty neat. But that movie goes absolutely nowhere with it. The only places Dr. Strange visits are places near identical to our world, with slight differences. They have a whole team of writers and the most interesting world they could come up with is one where you walk on the red light and Captain America is actually Captain Colonizer. When you have the advantage of being able to do literally anything you want in your fictional world, why would you make it so similar to ours? That’s like a space movie except the only planets they visit are planets just like Earth. It’s lame.
It might be unfair to criticize the movie on what it should have been instead of what it is. That’s fair enough. So what actually happens in the movie? Well, there’s this girl who can open up portals to other dimensions and she meets Dr. Strange. For some reason Wanda really wants to see her children so she wants to kidnap the girl and she needs a book or something from the Asian guy that I’ve seen in the other Marvel movies. I thought it was confusing but I’m probably in the minority.
First off, the characters are bland. I really couldn’t tell you the personalities of either Dr. Strange or the little kid because they don’t have one. Dr. Strange exists to fill the role of the main character with powers and the little kid exists as the McGuffin that the villain must take from the hero. There’s not much more to them.
For a Marvel movie there’s a surprising lack of jokes. The ones that are present aren’t very funny or creative.
The action sequences are pretty lame. A gripe I have with stories in all media is when the abilities of one of the fighters isn’t well clarified. Basically, what they can and can’t do in a fight. The Flash can run fast. That’s his thing. If he suddenly shot lasers out of his eyes to win a fight it feels unearned, like the writers couldn’t find out a way to creatively make him win with the moveset he has. Wanda, the main antagonist, suffers from this issue. In her fight against the Illuminati (no, this movie did not come out in 2012) she melts the first two guys into a Lovecraftian disfiguration. This ability never really comes up again. If she can melt people, why doesn’t she melt the next two guys? The answer is that the writers wanted to show how threatening her powers were but were too lazy to figure out how to develop those powers to make sense in an actual fight. Maybe this has always been in ability in the other shows and movies. Even if that’s the case, I still think it’s really lazy.
The ending fight between Dr. Strange and Wanda is awful. I legitimately could not remember a single detail of the fight and had to look it up for this blog, despite the fact that I can remember something like Anakin and Obi-Wan’s duel all these years later. What happens is Dr. Strange traps Wanda in a ghost cage but then he’s like “she’s too powerful for my ghost cage!” and she gets out of the cage and shoots a fireball at Dr. Strange and he dies. So apparently, we can add fireballs to her move list. When I think of a fight I think of a more physical altercation where they’re actually like, hurting each other. Not just an instakill with a single move. Harry Potter fights are the same way but you’re not watching those movies for the action, you know? Then the kid opens up a portal and Wanda is like “I have seen the error of my ways,” like she’s some corny Disney villain. Way to end the movie. And at the very end Dr. Strange grows an eyeball on his forehead, hinting at an inevitable sequel. Can’t wait to consume the next crap stain Disney farts out of their behinds.
In conclusion, I don’t think it’s offensively bad, but to call it a good movie would be an insult to the people who expend time and effort on actual quality storytelling. Marvel just wants to the do bare minimum and cover it with glitter and flashy effects. Though it won’t happen, I hope Marvel and Disney go bankrupt. They’re corporate scumbags who view movies as a means to make money and not an art form. Vote with your wallets people. It won’t kill you to not catch up on Thor’s latest wacky adventure rated PG. Don’t accept mediocrity as a standard.