Last week during second period the bell rang but instead of going up the stairs, they headed into the cafeteria. I didn’t know what was going on, so I just followed everyone, and the teachers shut off all the lights in the room. We all sat down in the empty chairs and some people were on their phones, so I figured nothing important was happening. At one point some kid had to go take a leak but the teachers said he had to hold it in as there weren’t supposed to let anyone out. There was an announcement over the school speakers, and they said there was some intruder outside. They said that it wasn’t a drill but the other kids didn’t seem to care at all and continued to look really bored. We were in there for about fifteen minutes and only afterwards did I learn that some eight-grade brat who didn’t even attend our school had shown up with a gun. I’m not sure what kind of gun but I think it was a pistol, and really only a moron snot nosed little kid would even think that was enough to shoot up a school. Maybe he was suicidal or something. I hope they shot him in the face, though I don’t think they did. At the very least I hope they punched him in the face a few times. Honestly, I don’t think that you should be given a shred of mercy just because you’re a minor. You know damn well what you’re pulling when you’re thirteen or fourteen years old. And even if the guy wasn’t actually planning on shooting anyone and just wanted to be edgy, they still should’ve beat his behind. I tried finding an article about this incident, but I couldn’t. Either my sources are wrong or the whole thing wasn’t big enough to make the news, I don’t know. School rumors aren’t the most reliable.

Anyway, at lunch some guy got on the mic and started advertising the upcoming school musical. Then everybody started booing at the guy real loud. He kept on smiling and talking like nothing was happening, and then he stepped off. I thought that people just really didn’t like musicals, but the guys at my table said it was because he was a grapist. I was pretty skeptical, and they said that he had even been found guilty by the law. I asked him why he was just walking around then, and they started going on about community service and how minors can get away with this stuff. I don’t think you can grape someone and get away with it because you’re a minor, but I decided to believe them anyway, and according to the guys at my table he didn’t go all the way. The guy didn’t really look like a grapist anyway, he looked more like a nerdy theater kid. I’d talked to him once and I didn’t really get that anything was off.

During health class the other kids started talking about this Crive guy and dissing him. The health teacher was defending him like “Crive’s my guy, dude. Don’t diss Crive.” You have to understand that my health teacher is barely older than us and so spends most of the class arguing with his students rather than teaching. Most of the kids like him because of that. And so instead of learning about calories we spent the end of class listening to Crive’s music videos on Youtube. It was a real stinker. Later I learned that Crive is the grapist guy. I don’t know why our teacher was defending a grapist, which made me doubt even more if Crive actually was one.

Our health teacher coaches the Parma High School, but for whatever reason he teaches at this school. Whenever he gets the opportunity he starts talking about how the Parma basketball team is destroying our team. Then he starts talking about how a cop pulled him over even because his car was slipping on the ice and he searched up the cop’s name and his family and his kids and showed it to us. Then he said he was taking the cop to court and spent half the class complaining. Then he started berating the kids in the class because they’d rather eat boneless wings than wings with bones. Then he gave us all book work so he could sit at his desk and sleep. Then for Teacher Appreciation Week the girls in our class bought him tampons. According to them they debated gifting him a pregnancy test but they were too expensive. They also bought him lotion because they said he has ashy knees. The health teacher said he was going to stick the tampons up his nose and he asked if any of us had ever done that. Then the girls said that it would be painful because the tampons expanded. Then they went on about XXL tampons which I imagine expand twice as much. Then the health teacher said that he didn’t believe them. Then the girls took a water bottle and shoved the tampon inside and the thing started growing. Then the health teacher told them not to yank it out forcefully or they’d get water everywhere. Then they took the wet expanded tampon out and taped it on the whiteboard. Then the health teacher made them take it down. Then the girls talked about how they were going to buy him a pregnancy simulator. Then he said that those were just designed to make us feel bad for women.

In the pep rally on Friday, the teachers had us squeeze together on the bleachers. The band played some songs and then the announcers, who kept messing up their lines, said that they were going to play Hungry Hungry Humans, which involved putting a person on those little cart scooter things you get from PE whil another person pushed them around by the legs. The guy on the cart had a basket and had to catch balls. Something like that. Then they played some dumb parachute game but they messed it up somehow. Then they played musical chairs. As they announced each person playing the game, the grapist guy’s name was called and everyone started booing. Then when he got out in the fourth round everyone started cheering, and ironically that was the loudest the pep rally had been the whole event.