Marvel only has like two good movies, that being Spiderman 3 and Star Wars. The rest are an absolute abomination. They’re an insult to movies and anyone who makes them and anyone who watches them. They’re an insult to anyone who exists, really, and even to everyone who doesn’t exist. That’s how awful Marvel movies are.
First off, Marvel is such a dumb name for a company. What the hell does that even mean? It’s just a verb. Imagine if Nike was called Run, or if Disney was called Watch. Truly a dumb name. At least it’s not as bad a name as DC Comics. I don’t even think the DC stands for anything, and if it does, it’s probably for some dumb crap.
Also, I hate Spiderman. I also hate spiders in general, but I hate Spiderman particularly. His suit is so dumb and stupid. How am I supposed to believe that a teenager is swinging around in New York City? It’s just so unrealistic. And apparently all these sheeple are too moronic to notice this. We are at a low in human society where we have become desensitized to seeing wackos dress up in Halloween costumes and pretend to have super powers. These are supposed to be “serious” movies mind you. Like, they expect you to cry at this stuff. How could I cry at a guy wearing a spider costume (that doesn’t look like a spider by the way) who calls himself Spiderman and take him seriously? Imagine if you saw that nutjob in real life. You’d file a restraining order, that’s what you’d do. Now, look at a good movie, like the Titanic, which is a very grimly realistic movie because it depicts the real life event of the Titanic. When Juliet pushed Leonardo da Vinci off the door I burst in to tears, it was so emotional. The Titanic earns this scene though. The emotions build up over the course of the film and really sucks you in.
Then look back at Spiderman, which is such an awful movie, a movie that builds up nothing but its own pretentious ego. You can tell the director thought he was real smart for writing the movie. Spiderman is always talking about justice and saving people. The director not-so-subtly shoves this dialogue in to provoke ideas regarding morality and if “goodness” can really be determined if there is a consequence for evil. Of course, the director merely suggests these thoughts and ideas, while having nothing at all to say on them or anything that could add to the discussion. He hopes that we, the audience, will fill in those gaps proposed by the philosophy of the movie, and falsely proclaim him to be a thoughtful intellectual, despite none of the thinking being done by him. I can imagine him telling all his friends about how smart he is. I do not know what he looks like but I think he has a very punchable face. Anyway, I haven’t actually watched any of the Spiderman movies (except Spiderman 3, it’s a great movie I have to say) but this is probably how it goes.
There’s also an issue with the way Marvel writes its protagonists. It seems to be a trend nowadays to make every hero a quick-witted smart aleck that always ends every scene with a dumb quip. For Spiderman, it’s more forgivable since the character was first written to be that way. But why is Hulk, the Big Green, the peak of masculinity, why is he of all people cracking jokes? It makes me so mad. Why does everyone have to be funny? And why do people like these characters? Don’t you ever get bored of seeing the same guy a million times? Look at a good story, like Pride and Prejudice, where the characters are not funny. I hate characters that try to be funny, unless they are funny. Marvel characters are not funny. They are cookie cutter, play-it-safe characters, engineered in a lab to be popular with the masses.
Stanley Kubrick once said, “If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed.” Marvel movies are recorded, but they are not filmed. They are not filmed because they are not even a coherent thought, or properly written at all. It’d be a joke to even think that a Marvel movie could even be something as rational as a thought. The way I see it, they’re merely a jumble of words, a slew of mismatched imagery and ideas that culminate into a conglomerate of all that is dying within the harsh industry that is Hollywood. It really speaks on the horrors of capitalism when Endgame makes more money than an actual good story, with passionate writers and actors, such as a variety of indie films willing to try something new. Everybody has their own voice, their own story to tell. That’s what makes everybody unique. When I consume any media, I want to understand a piece of the creator. It’s like taking a dip into the twisted mind of a disturbed individual. When you read a story by Edgar Allen Poe, you understand he was a very odd guy. But you know whenever you’re reading a Poe story, even if you haven’t checked who the author is yet. Compare this to the robotic, factory-produced voice of every Marvel movie, or just movies in general. There’s no sincerity in it at all. I don’t get the impression that somebody had the inspiration to tell a tale. They just wanted to make money. Of course, people get very serious when it comes to money, and I am one hundred percent sure that they gathered a bunch of professionals in a room and discussed the best way to get popular trendy reactions with the masses and make bank. Could you even call any Marvel movie an original thought?
To summarize, Marvel movies piss me off because like Disney remakes they are devoid of any soul. Even more infuriating is that they pretend to have an actual personality by inserting the quick-witted protagonists and adding memes to appeal to younger people, so it makes them go “Wow this big company understands mems! They must be one of us. It’s not as if they strategically added memes to make more people interested.” Then people fall for this bullcrap and like, or pretend to like it, or just kind of like it but pretend they like it more than they do so they can feel involved in the Marvel conversation. Marvel movies are just movies. They’re not especially great or egregiously bad. They just exist as the bare minimum. When people piss themselves over Endgame and act like Marvel is God’s blessing unto Earth it persuades big companies like Marvel to keep pushing out safe mediocrity instead of pushing the medium and introducing something new to the table. When that WandaVision thing came out everyone thought it was so cool because it was pretending to be this old sitcom, but it really wasn’t. It was like the epic new satire that nobody had ever seen before. Or at least, it would be the first time you’ve seen it if you only watch Marvel movies. Or Squid Game, everyone started losing it over a cool killing game like it was new. It was not new. But when these dumb companies do it, it suddenly is (I don’t think Squid Game is made by a big company but my point still stands).
Anyway. If you enjoy Marvel movies you are confirmed basic and I am culturally superior to you. If you disagree, cope, ratio’d, L, touch grass, no maidens, obtain dysentery, you have bad taste in movies. ANd worst of all, you drink Starbucks.