wattpad? more like, stinky pad!!!!

Recently I’ve hit writer’s block which is a problem most people go through, the only problem being that I haven’t evens started yet. Every word I put down feels wrong and I always delete the entire thing before hitting the third chapter. I don’t know if I’m just unable to see the merit in my own writing since I’m constantly worrying if it’s any good or if I’m just really crappy at writing. So I had the brilliant idea of using a pen name and anonymously releasing a few drafts to see what kind of writing audiences respond to. And there was a perfect website to do that. Or so I thought!(Foreshadowing.)

Wattpad is sort of like Webtoon except it’s for writing stories. Unlike Webtoon however it is a place for idiots to gather. I thought Webtoon was just a place for fourteen year old girls to fufill their power fantasies and while that is still partly true I was surprised to see a small community of people enjoy something that doesn’t involve a love triangle. Wattpad is exactly what I thought it was: a place for fourteen year old girls to fufill their power fantasies. It could be that I haven’t searched hard enough but so far everything I’ve seen so far is about a quirky ordinary girl falling for a bad boy or some variation of that.

First off I was thinking that I wanted to read something spooky so I hopped on the horror section of books and I kid you not, the top story is a fanfic about a girl falling in love with Pennywise the clown. Yes, that Pennywise, the one from It. I can’t confirm if this is still the case as the CEO of Wattpad has caught on to my schemes and will no longer allow me to access the site without an account.

Now it might seem like I’m just randomly picking stories to make the entire site sound bad but I’m not. Just go to Wattpad and you’ll see what I mean. After bleaching my eyes I decided I wanted to read a paranormal story because I like those and the top story was about wolves or something. And the main character is a female alpha leader who is bullied by her male peers for being female but is too cool to care and I was bored after the first sentence. Okay, I said before that there aren’t ever bad ideas in writing, so to be fair I read the first chapter. And the first chapter was the author (yes, the author, the author literally breaking the fourth wall to directly address the audience) informing the reader about the world’s rules and how everything works. Because screw naturally integrating exposition into a story. Why do that when you can shove it all in the beginning? Did I mention that I hate stories that start with exposition?

I know that I don’t really have a right to talk since I can’t even write an entire chapter without deleting it all but come on. While I act like I know a lot about it, I don’t actually know what makes writing objectively good or bad. But even I can tell that these are very poorly written.

Also, can I talk about how every story is the same thing? Every single cover has the female lead and the male lead staring each other down and every single story is a romance for some reason, even the stories that are in the romance section. Why? I don’t understand. How many times can a person read the same regurgitated garbage?

I thought about this for a while and came to the conclusion that maybe Wattpad isn’t the best place to showcase my writing. Because I’m sure if I don’t write something like Twilight nobody will bother to read it.

One of the books I saw said it had I think six hundred million reads and I’m almost entirely sure that Wattpad pulled that number out of their behinds because there is no way that many lonely girls exist. Right? Right? Surely nobody is reading this trash.

To get a good grasp of what Wattpad’s audience is like I delved deep into the comment sections of some of these books and as I guessed it was just a bunch of degenerates and nail polish girls. By nail polish girls I mean the people who use the nail polish emoji and unironically say “yass queen” and “you go girl”. For the longest time I assumed these sorts of people didn’t exactly exist and were just a sterotype made up by media to be made fun of but I guess they do. I checked out the comment section of this one book and the very first comment was someone asking if the story contained any smut. This comment gave me the urge to smash my keyboard and leave society to become a hermit living in the mountains.

Alright I’ve been cruising Wattpad for a bit and I came across this section that helps writers improve and hone their skills, as well as gives out tutorials on how to overcome writer’s block and how to effectively write dialogue. I was like, “Wow! This is just what I needed. Maybe you’re not so bad after all, Wattpad.” And I read it for a whileIt was great and all, but pretty barebones. I wanted the real stuff, the advice from actual writers. So I pressed on an article.

“Make an account or I’ll burn your house down,” said the CEO of Wattpad. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I degrade myself to the point of making a Wattpad account.

so guys, I hope dyou enjoyed my blog. Don’t bother responding because your opinion is wrong and you’re just a hater. sayonara!