About two months ago I got this game called Animal Crossing New Horizons because everyone said it was a fun game but guess what? They were wrong, and I would know because I’m never wrong.
So let me talk about why Animal Crossing is a poo poo game for dumb little kids.
First of all, there is no crossing animals nor is there a new horizon which is already false advertising and Nintendo should be sued for claiming their game is something that it is not.
Secondly, there are no good hair styles.
Third, are the animals have the personality of a cardboard box. It’s like somebody made the same “nice” character over and over again and added one quirk about each of them to make it seem like they have different personalities. Like “animal that likes working out and is nice” and “animal that likes bugs and is nice” and “animal that likes singing and is nice”. Very lame. The major appeal of the game is interacting with the animals but every time I talk to them I don’t feel like I’m talking to a real villager I just feel like I’m talking to an NPC recycling the same dialogue over and over.
Fourth, your tools break every five seconds. Each game that has a weapon durability system has it placed there for a reason, like Minecraft, but Animal Crossing has a durability system just because other games have a durability system. There’s literally no reason for it to exist but it does anyway. This wouldn’t bother me much if the fifth reason why this game sucks didn’t exist.
Fifth, every single quest in the game is a fetch quest, and by fetch quest I mean this poo poo head Tom Nook says “hey, uh durr i too stooopid to git my own supplies to make thing so u go cut down fifty million trees so i can make wooden hut.” You have to hit rocks and trees a million times over and over until you get the right materials because sometimes you can cut and entire tree down and not get the right type of wood. On top of this your things are breaking too so every third three you hit you have to go gather some sticks to make a new axe.
Sixth, everything in this game moves sooooo slow, and I know the point of the game is that it’s a slower paced casual game but this really is too much. If you got to a crafting table and interact instead of opening up the crafting menu it will say “Do I want to craft something?” and there will be a yes and no prompt. Of course I want to craft something you stupid game why else would I touch the crafting table??? Everytime you want to enter a builidng or house you have to watch an animation of your character putting away their equipped item and then watch them knock on the door to the house and then watch them open it and then watch them close it and then watch them enter the house. Every time you buy an item from the ATM it kicks you out of the menu so you have to interact with the ATM and go back to the store if you want to buy another item which makes me very mad.
Seventh, sometimes there’s absolutely nothing to do and you have to wait real life days for something to happen. Of course you can just change the date on your Switch to trick the game into thinking a day has passed but I don’t care enough about this game to go through the hassle of changing the date and then changing it back.
Eighth, sometimes I stop playing the game and when I come back like a week later some new weirdo has showed up in town and starts acting all buddy buddy with me like we’ve known each other for years with no introduction at all and it’s very jarring. Like I came back to the game one day and suddenly Isabelle was on my island for some reason announcing the news like she’d been there forever. I tried to kick her out but you can’t do that so I’m stuck with her.
Ninth, some animals are just copy and pastes of other animal. I opened up a plot of land to sell and when I came back somebody bought it. The person who bought it looks just like some of my other villagers just with a different color.
Tenth, there is no reason to play multiplayer because you can’t really do anything with the people that visit your island, just walk around and give them a tour or something which is lame.
Eleventh, one time I gave this villager a present I think it was a t shirt or something and in return he gave me a dress like ew wtf I’m not a girl.
Twelfth, sometimes I see the villagers just hanging around my house like some creepy stalker or something and I try to hit them with my shovel to make them go away but apparently they are very durable and the shovel just bounces right off.
Yeah so that’s why animal crossing is a poopy stinky game for losers don’t bother responding because my opinion is right and you’re just hater. sayonara!!!