Planter’s Peanuts: Dry roasted peanuts are a delight to eat, although a bit on the grainy side. A wonderful snack to eat on a rainy day. I would give it a ten out of ten, but it has a stupid name, so I’ll lower the score. Final rating: 5/10
Southern Grove Peanuts: I haven’t actually eaten them, but they look bad. Final Rating: 3/10
Fisher Salted Nuts: I haven’t eaten these either, bit Wikipedia says they’re good. Final Rating: 7/10
Packing Peanuts: A little chewy. Final Rating: 9/10
Wonderful Pistachios: They are not “Wonderful”. Final Rating: 0/10
Imperial Nuts: Yes, this is actually the name, search it up. Sounds like a communist nut. Final Rating: 2/10
Trader Joe’s Nuts: I do not like Trader Joe’s Nuts. Final Rating: 1/10
Good Sense Nuts: You do not have good sense if you like these. Final Rating: -1/10
M&Ms: They are not peanuts, but I like them. Final Rating: 7/10
Reese’s Puffs Cereal: They lied to me. They didn’t put real peanuts in the cereal. Final Rating: -3/10
Great Value Nuts: Terrible value. Final Rating: 1/10
Frito-Lay Nuts: They should just stick to making chips. Final Rating: broken toilet/10
Bear Naked Nuts: Whoever named this should be fired. Final Rating: -9999/10
UberNuts: Was expecting an Uber made out of peanuts, very disappointed. Final Rating: -4/10
Nuts For Snack: Bad, I wanted nuts for lunch. Final Rating: Bear Naked Nuts/10
Dee’s Nuts: I am not even joking. This is actually the name. Their slogan is, “Everyone loves Dee’s Nuts.” Fire whoever named this. Final Rating: Deez nuts/10
Dee’s Nuts Pickle Flavored: Why would you make this? Final Rating: -99999999999/10
Sahale Nuts: Sahale Nuts? More like… Sa-Stale Nuts! Ba dum tsh. Final Rating: 0/10
R-YA NUTS: Somebody sat down, wrote “R-YA NUTS” on a piece of paper, and said to themselves, “Yeah, that’s a good name.” Final Rating: Bear Naked Nuts/10
Second Nature: My first nature is to stay away from these. Final Rating: 3/10
Beer Nuts: Alcohol for kids. Final Rating: -5/10
Eden Selected Nuts: Eden has bad taste. Final Rating: Bear Naked Nuts/10
Blue Diamond Nuts: Like Planters, but worse. Final Rating: 1/10
So now, the moment of truth. I will now reveal the best peanut. As you can see, the peanut with the absolute highest score is… the packing peanut. The packing peanut started when Liz Bee Ann, a hard working woman in the seventies started her own peanut company. After she was arrested because her peanuts were poisonous, she continued on her perfect peanut formula in jail.
And now for the worst peanut. Bear Naked Nuts were developed when Smokey the Bear got fired. In his protest, he developed the atrocity that is known as Bear Naked Nuts. I have not eaten Bear Naked Nuts, but they are probably bad.