Would you like some Chooken Teenders? They are Kentucky fried. (Editor’s Note: Made in Idaho. You know, the potato place.) How do you know our Chooken Teenders are special? Because they are actually made from cows! (Editor’s Note: This is not true. You don’t want to know what they’re really made of.) You see, when a cow is cooked into a Chooken Teender, our special sauce brings it back to life, forming a preteen Chooken Teender. Our employees will then nurse the Chooken Teenders EVER SO CAREFULLY for two years.
But Joey? He really sucks at his job. Always slacking off. Wait, don’t print that.
The Chooken Teenders will then have secret spice sprinkled down on it. The spice will actually cause the preteen Chooken Teender grow into a Cheeken Teender! You see, when the methane gas (farts) touch the spice, the preteen Cheeken Teenders will explode, forming a Cheeken Teender. (Editor’s Note: Nam Company is not responsible for any persons gaining false knowledge of science.)
Chooken Teenders are delicous, but there are more uses! You can shave our beard without shaving cream! Don’t have a beard? That’s okay, shave your hair! Don’t have any hair? Shave your neighbor’s hair!
Chooken Teenders are also a great device. Simply ask, “Cheeken Teender, how’s the weather today?” or, “Cheeken Teender, show me nearby resteraunts,” or, “Cheeken Teender, why is my poop green?” Cheeken Teender has all the answers!
And if you’re still not convinced, then we have a third option! Cheeken Teender can break dance! Cheeken Teender has all the moves, such as farting, the “Why Can’t I Get a Job” dance, and the poopy dance.
Finally, a Cheeken Teender can be used for self defense! That’s right! See a robber breaking in? Pull out your Cheeken Tender! You see, the founders of Cheeken Teenders wanted it to also be able to defend a person. So, they inserted a razor inside the meat! It’s genius! (Editor’s Note: Nam Company is not responsible for any persons swallowing undesired object.)
So do you want a lame Chicken Tender, or an awesome Cheeken Teender? The choice is yours! (Editor’s Note: Nam Company has dismissed all claims of customers being bribed to buy Cheeken Teenders.)
And now, a word from our sponsor.
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