Today, your reporter, Nam, will being interviewing in a hotel. Was he allowed in this hotel? No. Did he pay at the front desk? No. Did he sneak past the front desk by crawling under? No, he ran across the room yelling, “FREE MONEY!” to distract people. Is he stealing all the shrimp from the bar instead of doing his job? Yes. Is he even paid for this job? No.
The first spot is the water fountain. Let’s zoom in to get a closer look!
(Sound of obese child reporter running to water fountain.)
(Sound of child reporter stupidly knocking the person at the water fountain down.)
Nam: So sorry madam!
Target 1: I’m a guy.
Nam: So sorry sir! If you would like to press charges, please call me!
(Sound of child reporter leaning in.)
Nam (Whispering): I don’t have a phone. But I have some big bucks to keep you quiet. 🙂
Target 1: Um, you’re like eight years old.
Nam: I’m a lot older than that. (Whispering) Still want the money?
Target 1: Are your parents here with you?
Nam: I’m sorry, I cannot tell you that.
Target 1: Why?
Nam: Because you’re a stranger.
Target 1: Then why are you talking to me????
(Sound of obese child reporter running away, yelling “CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”, even though we are not a TV show.)
Wow, looks like our first target was not too cooperative. Let’s hope the next dude is a nice guy. Next stop, the CASINO.
Nam: Hello good sir, I’m taking an interview with hotel guests. You sure got a lot of chips there. Are you a good gambler?
Target 2: Er, um, oh yes, I’m very good!
Nam: Seems like your fellow competitors are missing some chips. Any ideas where the went?
Target 2: Oh, well they probably just… um, lost them?
Nam: That seems possible. Hey, who are those guys in that truck holding some money bags?
Target 2: Well, they’re just my, um, very good friends.
Nam: What are their names?
Target 2: Erm, Justin and Rico?
Nam: Can I see the truck?
(Sound of Target 2 arguing with “Justin” and “Rico”.)
Camera Man: Hey, Nam, you sure this is a good idea?
Nam: No. But he seems like a nice guy. Probably rich, too. Why else would he have so many chips and a bunch of moneybags?
Camera Man: Doesn’t he seem a little shifty?
(Sound of Target 2 coming back.)
Target 2: Okay, you can come. But just do what we say, okay kid?
Nam: Are we going to another hotel?
Target 2: No, we’re going to a bank.
Nam: Oh. I can still interview there, can’t I?
Target 2: Yeah, whatever.
(Sound of Camera Man and Nam jumping into totally not suspicious truck.)
Justin: Okay, you can do your survey or whatever, but then get back in the truck. Start the engine, and don’t stop!
Nam: Whatever.
(Sound of shift truck dudes jumping out and entering banks in strange black masks.)
Camera Man: Why are they wearing masks?
Nam: Maybe it’s someone’s birthday??
Rico: Everybody GET DOWN!
(Sound of frightened crowd kneeling down on the ground.)
(Sound of Nam walking to one of the kneeling people.)
Nam: What a strange party this is. Tell me more.
Target 3: (Hissing) Quiet, you’re gonna get me killed!
Nam: Seems like a fun game. How do you play?
Rico: HURRY! START THE ENGINE!
(Sound of obese child reporter totally starting the engine.)
(Sound of engine dying and sputtering.)
Nam: What a nice sound. It reminds me of my brothers singing in the shower.
Target 2: Forget the truck, RUN!
(Sound of obese child reporter struggling to keep up with his new rad friends.)
(Sound of police sirens blaring.)
Nam: This sounds like a very big party.
Justin: Yeah yeah, just keep up.
(Sound of three men gasping after getting trapped in an alleyway between a wall and some police guards.)
Nam: So what now? We playing cops and robbers?
Target 2: Okay kid, when the cops take you away, don’t mention our names.
Nam: Okay.
(Sound of obese child reporter and Camera Man getting arrested.)
FOUR HOURS LATER.
Good news guys! Our interview was such a hit that there are wanted signs of us going up and down the highway! Let me back up.
TWO HOURS AGO.
Police Officer: Who were your three accomplices?
Nam: I have been sworn to secrecy.
(Sound of obese child reporter leaning in.)
Nam: But I have some big bu-
Police Officer: I am not interested.
Nam: I can raise the offer to-
Police Officer: Take him away.
(Sound of Camera Man skeptically being ushered in the room, while obese child reporter is taken away.)
Nam: YOU WILL REGRET THIS! LAWYERS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WILL-
(Sound of door slamming.)
Police Officer: Okay, what do you know?
Camera Man: Well, we were interviewing some people in a hotel and-
Police Officer: Which hotel?
Camera Man: Totally Legit Hotel.
Police Officer: Continue.
Camera Man: So then we were confronted by these dudes in a white truck, and they had us go to this party in a bank-
Police Officer: So, you met men in a white truck?
Camera Man: Yep.
Police Officer: Their names?
Camera Man: One was like Justin, and the other was Rico. I don’t know the last one’s name.
Police Officer: And they took you to a party, in a bank?
Camera Man: Yeah.
Police Officer: Take him away.
(Sound of Camera Man being taken away by guards.)
Camera Man: Wait! I have more! Don’t do thi-
(Sound of door closing.)
Nam: ‘Sup.
Camera Man: Hey.
(Sound of officers closing door and trapping them in.)
Nam: (Sigh) I never thought it would end like this.
Camera Man: Yeah.
Nam: I though it would end with me cutting off a snake’s head and saving you just when you were crying, because you thought I died.
Camera Man: Okay…..
(Sound of object being thrown in window.)
Nam: (Reading note) “Thanks for not telling. Here’s a gift.”
(Sound of lock pick falling out of the paper.)
Nam: We’re saved!
TWENTY MINUTES LATER.
Child Psychologist: So you think he is a little demented?
Camera Man: Yep.
Nam: No way! On the way here, I learned how to count money! Only a mature adult could do that!
Child Psychologist: I agree.
Nam: What? I faced men in trucks, and I was being questioned by the police half an hour ago! I can handle anything!
Child Psychologist: (To Camera Man) Was he being questioned by the police?
Camera Man: Ummm, no.
Child Psychologist: Well, I cannot handle him, so here are several professional doctors that he can see, so I’ll-
(Sound of obese child reporter running out the door.)
ONE HOUR LATER.
Okay, Reporter Nam has returned to the hotel. What notes has he got for us?
Nam: Okay you will not believe what just happened…